An Open Update Letter

Friends,
For some of you, I have only recently communicated with and for some others it has been quite a while since you last heard from me. My apologies to this last group of friends; time gets the better of all of us and truly is fleeting. In attempts to make up for this lost time and also for those among my more recent friends, I write this letter to try to organize my thoughts and also to take a retrospective look on where I’ve been.
I’ll start from roughly the time of law school. My last major event in my life had been the passing of Jack, my younger brother. All those phrases about how “you never get over it,” ring in my head and ring true in my head. His sudden death is still sad with me, and the grief is almost as fresh as the day I learned of his passing. We continue to raise funds in his memory for his scholarship fund at the University of Virginia. You can learn more and donate at http://www.aapaan.org/ .
I went into law school wanting to save the world; I just didn’t realize how hard it is to do so. With high goals and aspirations to work in international human rights, I was confronted with the reality of high law school loans and an impossible job field to work in the field. Working for the U.N. or NGOs or the State Department was clearly competitive by the time I was in the second year. I ended up working with the Department of Navy’s Office of General Counsel for the summer and enjoying that immensely. It was also great to be back in Washington for the summer after the cold school year in Cleveland.
Yes, I did go to school in Cleveland at Case Western Reserve. It was a decision that was difficult and in my weaker days I doubt. But for the most part, I do not regret the decision at all. I certainly was busy with school – the professors were excellent and I believe the legal education I received approaches the price that I paid monetarily. Working for three years at AMS, a federal contractor in Virginia paid off. That is, it paid some of the tuition bills and my rent right off.
As for the city, I truly enjoyed it after a little while. I met and dated a wonderful girl that made life in the city bearable and even enjoyable. Though that relationship regrettably did not outlast our time in school together, I still hold those memories fondly to my heart. The city itself was certainly not as cosmopolitan as Washington, but it had its charm, in the dirt and blue-collar bustle that post-industrial America has. The struggles that the City of Cleveland is undergoing is a not only a bellwether of what may come, but is a monument to the past. High crime, uncertain economics and changing demographics were daily news for the City, and though a high percentage of non-native Clevelanders in law school chose to ignore it, I tried to understand it and grasp what it all meant. I’m not sure if I ever understood it or ever can, but it put the city into perspective and only made me appreciate it more.
So, I graduated and went home to my suburban life of Fairfax, studying for the Virginia bar. Those weeks of studying and then taking it were painful. Though not as painful as doing it again, as I had to later this past February, as a consequence of failing in July. I found out on the second day on my internship on the Hill. Boy, when people say your heart stops when the online posting gets made, it really is true. You do a CTRL-F to find your name, and it stops another beat when you don’t see it. The people in the office were the nicest bunch, telling me their stories of friends (or in one case, a personal case) of eventual lawyers that failed. One quote that I heard (from the Congressman himself) was that failure was one of the best things that happened to him; you truly appreciate your situation more and it humbles you so that you will succeed eventually.
I truly was humbled and I put my head down and tried to figure out what my next steps were. I was also working part-time at a small patent law firm in downtown DC. The people were wonderful and I truly enjoyed my work there. But as time went on and my failure at the bar pushed in my mind, I wondered to myself – is this what I went to law school for? What of my goals to change the world? I eventually passed the patent bar and it seemed sealed that I would be doing patent prosecution. I was slowly sliding myself willingly into a role that I didn’t see myself in a mere few months before.
But life, as always takes strange turns. I sincerely believe in the power of prayer and hope. A clerkship I had interviewed for earlier in the fall came through. It was for a bankruptcy judge in Baltimore and would not only be part-time, but would only last six months. I was in a quandary. This was a job that I would certainly love and was in line with what I wanted to do. But should I leave the stable situation that I had worked to put myself in? What if I failed the bar again? For an agonizing weekend, I struggled with what to do. I talked to my family, my friends, former co-workers and came to what I think is characteristic of me – heart over head. My heart told me to go for the job and that things would work themselves out. It was to be my leap of faith.
So, I find myself now in Baltimore, living in the fun Federal Hill area with three nice guys, steps away from Camden Yards, a ten minute walk to work and three blocks to the famous Cross Street Market. It’s only been a week, but I am enjoying the new city tremendously. I’ve been meeting plenty of new people through just going out and my new kickball team. I’m still inclined to disagree with those that say that DC is simply a less friendly city than others, but I do find people more easy to talk to on a stranger-basis here.
I can say that I am happy where I am, but I am filled with a mix of apprehension and excitement about the future. Where will I be in another six months? There are some exciting opportunities and irons in the fire. I’m not sure where. But, I hope that for those I haven’t been in touch with, that we can reconnect. For those new friends I’ve made, I hope that we can develop our friendship. If any of you are in Baltimore in the coming months, please feel free to contact me.

Best regards,

James T. Tsai